To prevent regret, Pastor Chris says to stop before a decision and ask, "Can I trust what I'm telling me?" Our hearts are deceitful, so we admit the problem, look for what's true, pray for wisdom using James 1:5, and ask God, who alone can heal our hearts.
Why do we make decisions we end up regretting?
Twenty-six seconds were left in Super Bowl 49. Seattle had the ball on the one-yard line, because their running back had just bulldozed his way there. Then the coach called a pass. It was intercepted in the end zone, and the game was over.
Pastor Chris opened our new series, Regret, with that scene. He pictured the coach at the podium afterward, getting asked if he regretted the call. And you know what's coming. The coach defends the play and says, "No regrets." But Pastor Chris said it plainly: "Now obviously he has regrets."
Most of us would do the same thing. Pastor Chris mentioned a 2004 survey of 2,000 US Americans in which 11% said they had no regrets. A later survey, he said, found that only 89% of them were telling the truth. We may not admit our regrets, but they're everywhere, and he said we're likely headed for more.
So what do we do? Pastor Chris said we play both offense and defense. On offense, we work to overcome the regrets we already carry. That's coming later in the series. This week was defense: learning to prevent regret before it starts.
Does God really help us prevent regret?
Pastor Chris compared every decision to those drug commercials that rattle off the side effects. Before any choice, he said, we should hear these words: "Potential side effects include regret."
Some choices are small. You scroll for 45 minutes, pick the worst movie, and ruin date night. You'll live. But career, faith, relationship, and money decisions are high impact, and the regret from those can stick for years.
Here's the good news he gave us. In James 1:5, the passage tells us that anyone who lacks wisdom can ask God, and that God gives generously without finding fault. In other words, the way of wisdom is open to everyone who asks. Pastor Chris put it this way: "God is for you, not against you."
Hebrews 4:15-16 backs that up. The passage tells us Jesus understands our weaknesses, because he was tempted in every way we are, yet without sin. Because of that, we're invited to come to a throne of grace. Pastor Chris pointed out that a throne shows what matters most to the king. For God, it's grace. We don't find a king howling mad at our choices. We find a welcome.
Why do we talk ourselves into bad decisions?
Pastor Chris said something that may sting a little. Every regrettable decision you've ever made has one thing in common: you. And the odds are high that you had to talk yourself into it.
Why do we do that? He said our decisions are heavily influenced by our emotions and our appetites, and those always reach our hearts. He added that research suggests we can't make decisions apart from our emotions at all. There's no emotionally neutral room to decide in.
Think about how easy it is to advise your spouse, your kids, or your neighbor. You're not as emotionally tied up in their choices. Pastor Chris noticed that we're good at leading someone else to the wise thing, and bad at leading the person in the mirror. In his words, "when your heart is set on something, you can talk yourself into almost anything." He gave the examples of a dessert that ruins a diet and a car you can't afford.
Here's the quiet question underneath it all. When a salesperson pitches us, we ask whether we can trust what we're hearing. Pastor Chris said we rarely ask it when we're the ones doing the selling.
Can I trust my own heart? What does Jeremiah 17:9 say?
Pastor Chris took us to the prophet Jeremiah, who worked with kings in Judah who kept making bad calls. Babylon had conquered Israel, and Jeremiah told the leaders to take their medicine and not do anything dumb. Jehoiakim wouldn't listen. He allied with Egypt, and Pastor Chris said Nebuchadnezzar laid siege to Jerusalem and took him away. The same thing played out with his son, and then with Zedekiah, who ignored Jeremiah too.
Why would anyone do that? Pastor Chris said God answered Jeremiah's own question in Jeremiah 17:9. In effect, Jeremiah is saying that the heart is more deceitful than anything else and can't be cured by us, and that no one can fully understand it.
Pastor Chris made a careful point about the word deceitful. If your heart were only dishonest, you'd be suspicious of it. Deceit has an agenda. It comes as a mix of truths, half-truths, and untruths, which makes it hard to catch. And he said this isn't something we outgrow. We can't fix our own hearts.
That's why we all end up saying, "I don't understand why I did that."
What are the four steps to prevent regret?
If we can't cure the problem, Pastor Chris said, we take the way of wisdom. He gave four steps:
- Admit the problem. It's easy to see that everyone else has a heart problem. We have to say that we do, too: my heart is naturally deceitful, and I can't trust what it's telling me.
- Commit to discovering what's really true. Ask whether you're being honest with yourself, whether you really need this, whether you can really afford it. Pastor Chris noted that we rarely have to sell ourselves on the obviously good thing. It's the questionable ones.
- Pray for wisdom. When you catch yourself selling yourself, stop and ask. Pastor Chris encouraged us to memorize James 1:5, and he asked how many times we actually ask.
- Ask for healing from the only one who can cure our hearts. Pastor Chris said we can't change our hearts, but God can, and he does when we place our faith in Jesus.
All of it hangs on one question, and Pastor Chris gave it to us to carry: "Can I trust what I'm telling me?"
So here's an invitation for your week. The next time you catch yourself building a case for a choice, stop before you say yes. Ask that question out loud, then pray James 1:5 and ask God for the wisdom you lack. Start with a small decision, so asking becomes a habit before the big ones show up. And if you've never trusted Jesus with your heart, Pastor Chris said that's where the way of wisdom begins.
Key takeaways
- Pastor Chris said every decision carries potential side effects, and regret is one of them.
- James 1:5 tells us anyone who lacks wisdom can ask God, who gives generously.
- Jeremiah 17:9 says our hearts deceive us, and we can't fix them ourselves.
- Before a choice, Pastor Chris says to ask, "Can I trust what I'm telling me?"
- Pastor Chris said only God can change our hearts, and he does when we trust Jesus.
Scripture in this message
- James 1:5 (NIV)
- Hebrews 4:15-16 (NIV)
- Jeremiah 17:9 (NIV)
Frequently asked questions
How can I prevent regret before making a big decision?
Pastor Chris taught four steps: admit your heart can deceive you, commit to finding out what's really true about the decision, pray for wisdom, and ask God to heal your heart. Before you choose, ask yourself, "Can I trust what I'm telling me?" Then pray James 1:5.
What does James 1:5 say about asking God for wisdom?
The passage tells us that anyone who lacks wisdom can ask God, and that he gives generously without finding fault. Pastor Chris pointed out that this is prayer (ask), grace (gives generously), and a promise that wisdom will be given. He encouraged us to memorize it.
What does Jeremiah 17:9 mean when it calls the heart deceitful?
Pastor Chris explained that deceitful is different from dishonest. Deceit has an agenda and mixes truths, half-truths, and untruths, so it's hard to detect. Jeremiah is saying our hearts deceive us and can't be cured by us. Only God can change them.
Why do we talk ourselves into decisions we later regret?
Pastor Chris said our decisions are heavily influenced by our emotions and appetites, and those reach our hearts. He said, "when your heart is set on something, you can talk yourself into almost anything." We lead ourselves worse than we'd lead a friend.
What is the difference between grace and mercy in Hebrews 4?
Pastor Chris taught that grace deals with our sin, so God forgives us and restores our relationship with him. Mercy deals with the misery that comes with sin. At the throne of grace, Hebrews 4:15-16 invites us to receive both, with confidence.
Does God want me to live free of regret?
Pastor Chris said God is for us, not against us, and wants us to live in the joy of wise decisions. He offers wisdom before regret and healing beyond it. This series explores both, with wisdom first and healing coming later.